WORLD’S FAIR – RED EYE REPORT 217

On tonight’s stream of the Red Eye Report, we talk about the World’s Fair a.k.a the biggest dick measuring contest on the planet.

With me tonight is Teddy. He was actually a part of the 1982 World’s Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee. Teddy was inside one of those little R2D2 robots until a horse from one of the exhibitions kicks him over the rail and into the river. His life is showbiz hasn’t improved since.

Next to Teddy we have Ashtray. He was the DJ at the turn of the millennium party held in Hannover, Germany in 2000. Ashtray played all the big hits: Brittany Spears, Cher, Christina Aguilera. Then he tried slipping in some Limp Bizkit. Let’s just say they went Du Hast on his ass and he was never invited back.

We also have Mistic. He was at the expo of ‘74 in Spokane, Washington. The event was supposed to be about “Celebrating Tomorrow’s Fresh Environment.” The global hippies couldn’t have anticipated Mistic’s unique scent of 4 month without a shower ball cheese, regurgitated pubes, and taco bell diarrhea. Attendance for the expo ended up being the lowest recorded in 100 years.

Finally there's me, Oracle. My last fair was 1893 in Chicago— you know, the most important one, The World’s Colombian Exposition. There was a lot of cocaine. Oh yeah, and some dipshit invented the zipper….because he was high on cocaine. Ohhhh the good ole days. This is the Red Eye Report.