Red Eye Report

We talk about the NCAA on this one. We deleted the outline accidentaly. You're fucking welcome.

In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss Stanley Martin Lieber, better known as Stan Lee. We out stay our welcome in almost every aspect of our lives and as usual, we incessantly joke about fucking everyone’s mothers. With me single-handedly this week is the all-seeing Oracle. Oracle once wrote a comic book. It was a teen drama about navigating puberty, High School and Dolphin rape. It was sort of a niche comic. In fact, it only sold two copies. Both to his mother. She’s never been the same. Speaking of rape, next to Oracle, we have a flu infested Ashtray. That comic that Oracle wrote, Ashtray drew. Critics said that Ashtray, through effective use of Depth of field and shadows, created a world that brought the Dolphin rape to life. In fact, both people that bought copies, vomited. Again, that was Oracle's mom. Both of them. The more serious Comic Connoisseur among us it Teddy. Teddy’s never written or drawn a comic. But he does own the world record for largest amount of superhero outfits for someone over the age of 12. Last and least, I’m the Mistic. Nobody knows this but I have a superpower. Laser vision? Invisibility? No…..I can single handedly eat a Dunkin Donuts out of business on all you can eat Bavarian Cream day. And this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!! Stan Leehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stan_Leehttps://ew.com/movies/2018/11/21/bill-maher-stan-lee-comments-reaction/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_American_comics_creators What’s Sexy Mystic: “NRA Membership levels” Oracle: Master of Arms on Discovery Channel https://youtu.be/oPLjOXzRG_I Ashtray: Idiot has to pay for gender reveal forest firehttps://www.channel3000.com/news/shareable-stories/gender-reveal-party-ignited-a-47-000-acre-wildfire/896814384 Teddy: Horizon: Zero Dawn https://youtu.be/lwI6-jKlsO0 Fuck What You Think Mystic: Missionary Positionhttps://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/2018/11/27/missionary-didn-die-from-tribesmen-arrows-was-killed-his-own-arrogance/QSblpdBocWWSs3HeS94TYP/story.html Oracle: Over-the-top Christmas decorations Ashtray: Fever dreams Teddy: PlayStation UI In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Warsaw, Poland. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/theredeyereport…..you can also twittle us at twitter.com/red_eye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m the Mistic…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!

Tonight we’re talking about land mines. Another thrilling topic from Ashtray; the brilliant mind behind “Plumbing” and “Flood Insurance”! First we have Teddy. He eats ass, and he’s proud of it. As a fellow ass eater, I approve his message - That Oracle and Mistic can go eat a dick! Then there’s cock in the mouth Oracle. Some may say that’s fake news, and that I have no evidence Oracle has a penis in or near his mouth. I say; I’m sticking to Teddy’s message. There were cocks on many sides, many sides … And don’t forget weiner lips Mistic. He missed voting yesterday after getting ejected for campaigning at a polling place. Really it was just emotional support parrot who kept screaming MAGA!! Grab em by the pussy! Vote Trump! MAGA!! And I’m Ashtray. Like Teddy, I eat turds! ASS! I mean ASS And this is the Red Eye Report!! Land Mineshttps://www.care.org/emergencies/facts-about-landmines#Q9https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Land_minehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S-minehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cluster_munition Rats sniff out mineshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0swUc492hU Flail tankhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqY39bCPeVM What’s Sexy Mystic: Wisconsin Recount Law Oracle: What Cheer Writers Clubhttps://www.whatcheerclub.org/ Ashtray: Halloween Candy Teddy: No more fucking campaign ads Fuck What You Think Mystic: House of Cards Oracle: Crazy Amazon Reviews Ashtray: Dick hole Brian Kemphttps://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/georgia-posts-private-information-of-300000-absentee-voters/ar-BBPsGN2?ocid=spartanntp Teddy: Brie Larson's shitty Samushttps://movieweb.com/metroid-movie-brie-larson-samus-costume-halloween/ In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Depew, New York. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/theredeyereport…..you can also twittle us at twitter.com/red_eye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m the Mistic…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!

Tonight we’re talking about spooky places. Do you believe in gagagaghosts?
Speaking of spooky places, Ashtray comes to us live from his spooky apartment. Well, I guess it’s not spooky if you’re packing a sawed-off shotgun and have had your orifices sewn shut. I don’t know where the fuck I’m going with this.

On this episode of the Red Eye Report, we talk about pets. We listen to Oracle’s lies about his triumph of the great flea war, and we bring some fucking sexy.
With me this week is Ashtray. Ashtray has a deep pet secret that he doesn’t want you to know. When he thinks no one is looking he likes to put on cat ears climb in Tootsie’s cat carrier and remember the old days. While masturbating.

In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss Music. We perpetuate the lies of the right wing and as usual, we do drugs?
With me this week is the all-seeing Oracle. Oracle’s a musical virtuoso. He was responsible for some of the greatest musical pieces ever written. Beethoven’s fifth, Brahms’ piano quartet no. 1 and of course, Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex. That last one might have been written on a 7 day coke bender, but hey, it made money.

On tonight’s episode of the Red Eye Report we talk about Microplastics
Next to me is Oracle. He’s been having an issue with microplastics lodged in his adrenal gland. Which is really just his excuse for being a raging asshole at the gas station when they run out of cheese stuffed hotdogs.

On tonight’s episode of The Red Eye Report, we talk about Con Artists, confidence men, and swinders.
With me this week is Telelscam Teddy. He’s wanted in 13 states for his fraudulent deeds. He’s swindled 90 year old widows out of their social security checks. He’s knabbed tooth fairy money from 10 year olds. Who’s his next victim? Nobody. His bluetooth ran out of battery 5 minutes ago.

In this episode of the Red Eye Report we talk about bullying. We bring a little bit of the sexy, and we vomit uncontrollably as Ashtray rubs his nipples.
Speaking of Ashtray, his specialty in bullying information. He either gives too much as the spoiler king of Madison or just a tagline and nothing at all. He thinks and makes some cool shit, but we all just fucking hate him.

On this week's episode of the Red Eye Report, we talk about Chaos Theory. Apparently chaos can lead to structure. Who knew?